Personal growth coach Lorien Holiday on the growing need for foster carers, why the fear of imperfection puts people off, and why kids raised in foster care express their gratitude when they’ve become grown-ups.
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Watch and listen to the full chat with Lorien Holiday below:
Fostering is a vehicle for huge self-development
I’ve known Lorien Holiday for a few years now. I admire his quest for self-improvement and ability to help others develop. It’s manifested in his work as a personal trainer and his psychological coaching of clients.
Holiday knows that discomfort and feeling challenged is the price we pay for growth. And he’s found fostering challenges you in a way that perhaps little else does.
“It’s been brilliant. It really holds a mirror up to you because you’ve got your established life and way of being. And all of a sudden you’ve got this new person who has got needs and wants of their own,” Holiday told Sport and Life.
“And it’s recognising that friction in yourself. I teach mindfulness and I’ve always said mindfulness has to work in pressured situations or it doesn’t work at all.”
Don’t expect them to say thank you straight away
Being kind feels good. But that’s partly because in return for kindness we receive gratitude.
Holiday says foster carers shouldn’t expect thanks from the kids up front.
“It’s playing the long game. People come back with gratitude later in life and sometimes it’s the really small acts of kindness that resonated with them.
“They really appreciate the stability provided by foster carers.”
Worrying numbers
The numbers don’t look great when it comes to foster caring in the UK.
“Since the year two thousand, the number of kids in care has gone up forty percent and the number of foster carers has actually dropped.”
So why are fewer people signing up to foster? Every individual will have different reasons. But Holiday believes there is a general feeling of people being under the pump:
“Part of the problem is the frustration with the system.
“And I think the other key factor is the logistics of having a spare room, with housing getting more expensive, and having older children still at home who can’t afford to leave.”
The perfectionism problem
A consistent block for many of us when deliberating whether or not to make a positive change in our life is the reality that we won’t get it 100 percent right.
Holiday believes perfectionism can be a problem in the fostering world too.
“It’s the fear of getting it wrong. We can paralyse ourselves with analysis and wanting to be perfect.
“You’ve just got to put your feet in.”
Where to start
There are kids out there who need help. And maybe you’re interested in helping.
So, where should you start?
“I recommend you start with your local authority. Some people use private companies. We definitely preferred our local authority.”
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